Have you ever found yourself in the middle of the supermarket, with a cart full of groceries, a toddler throwing a tantrum, and suddenly felt an overwhelming wave of anger? You’re not alone. Welcome to the club of ‘mom rage’. It’s not a club any of us signed up for, but here we are. This blog post is for you, dear mom, who is doing her best but sometimes feels like a volcano ready to erupt. Let’s explore the triggers behind this ‘mom rage’ and find ways to overcome them together. Because remember, even on your worst days, you’re still doing an amazing job.

Understanding mom rage

Mom rage. It’s a term that may sound harsh, but it’s a reality many of us face. It’s that moment when the frustration of motherhood boils over into intense anger. It’s when you find yourself yelling at your kids, slamming doors, or even crying in the bathroom. It’s not pretty, and it’s often accompanied by a heavy dose of guilt.

But here’s the thing: You’re not alone. Many mothers experience these intense feelings of anger. In fact, a study published in The Journal of Child and Family Studies found that an overwhelming majority of mothers reported experiencing significant anger towards their children.

So, why does this happen? Well, motherhood is a demanding job. It’s 24/7, with no breaks, no sick days, and certainly no manual. It’s a role filled with immense love and joy, but also stress, exhaustion, and yes, frustration.

The triggers for mom rage can vary from person to person. It could be chronic sleep deprivation, feeling overwhelmed with responsibilities, unrealistic expectations from self and others, feelings of isolation, or neglecting self-care. Recognizing these triggers is the first step towards managing mom rage.

Remember, experiencing mom rage doesn’t make you a bad mother. It makes you a human. It’s a sign that you’re overwhelmed and that you need to take care of yourself. Because the truth is, you can’t pour from an empty cup.

In the following sections, we’ll explore these triggers in more detail and provide practical strategies to help you manage and overcome mom rage. So, take a deep breath, give yourself some grace, and let’s dive in.

Trigger #1 for Mom Rage: Lack of sleep

Sleep, or rather the lack of it, is a common part of the parenting package, especially in the early years. But did you know that chronic sleep deprivation can significantly impact your mood and patience levels?

Why does this happen? Well, sleep is essential for our brains to function properly. It’s during sleep that our bodies repair cells, consolidate memories, and release hormones that regulate growth and appetite. When we don’t get enough sleep, these processes get disrupted, leading to physical fatigue and cognitive impairments such as difficulty concentrating, forgetfulness, and mood swings.

Now, imagine dealing with these effects while also trying to take care of a demanding toddler or a newborn who wakes up every two hours. It’s no wonder that lack of sleep is a major trigger for mom rage!

So, what can you do about it? Here are a few strategies:

  1. Prioritize sleep: It might be tempting to use the quiet hours when your child is sleeping to catch up on chores or work, but try to resist. Your chores can wait; your health can’t.
  2. Nap when your child naps: This age-old advice holds true. Even a short nap can help rejuvenate your body and mind.
  3. Ask for help: Don’t hesitate to ask your partner, family, or friends to watch the kids for a few hours so you can catch up on some much-needed sleep.
  4. Create a sleep-friendly environment: Make sure your bedroom is dark, quiet, and cool. Consider using earplugs, an eye mask, or a white noise machine if needed.
  5. Practice good sleep hygiene: This includes having a regular sleep schedule, avoiding caffeine and electronics before bed, and having a relaxing bedtime routine.

Remember, taking care of yourself is not a luxury, it’s a necessity. And that includes getting enough sleep.

Trigger #2 for Mom Rage: Feeling Overwhelmed with Responsibilities

Motherhood is a beautiful journey, but it’s also a juggling act. Between feeding, bathing, bedtime stories, school runs, homework help, and not to mention your own personal and professional responsibilities, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. And when we’re overwhelmed, our patience can wear thin, leading to mom rage.

Why does this happen? Our brains are wired to handle a certain amount of stress. But when the demands exceed our capacity to cope, we can feel overwhelmed. This can trigger a stress response, leading to irritability and anger.

So, what can you do about it? Here are a few strategies:

  1. Delegate: You don’t have to do it all. Delegate tasks to your partner, older children, or other family members. It’s okay to ask for help.
  2. Prioritize: Not everything needs to be done right now. Make a list of tasks and prioritize them. Focus on what’s most important and let the rest wait.
  3. Take breaks: Taking short breaks throughout the day can help prevent burnout. Use this time to do something you enjoy or simply relax.
  4. Practice mindfulness: Mindfulness can help you stay focused on the present moment, reducing feelings of overwhelm. Try techniques like deep breathing, meditation, or yoga.
  5. Set boundaries: It’s okay to say no. Set boundaries to protect your time and energy.

Remember, it’s okay to not have everything under control all the time. You’re doing the best you can, and that’s more than enough.

Trigger #3 for Mom Rage: Unrealistic expectations

In this age of social media, it’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing ourselves to others. We see picture-perfect families on Instagram, supermoms on Pinterest, and parenting gurus on YouTube. This can lead to unrealistic expectations about what motherhood should look like, and when reality doesn’t match up, it can trigger feelings of frustration and anger, also known as mom rage.

Why does this happen? When we set unrealistic expectations for ourselves, we set ourselves up for failure. We expect to be the perfect mom who can juggle work, home, kids, and self-care effortlessly. But the truth is, no one is perfect. Everyone struggles, everyone has bad days, and that’s okay.

So, what can you do about it? Here are a few strategies:

  1. Set realistic expectations: Understand that it’s okay to not be perfect. It’s okay if your house is not always spotless, if your kids eat takeout once in a while, or if you need a break from your kids.
  2. Stop comparing: Remember that what you see on social media is often a highlight reel. It’s not an accurate representation of reality.
  3. Celebrate small victories: Did you manage to shower today? Great! Did your kids eat their vegetables? Fantastic! Celebrate these small victories.
  4. Practice self-compassion: Be kind to yourself. You’re doing the best you can, and that’s enough.

Remember, the goal is not to be a perfect mom, but a happy one. And a happy mom makes for a happy family.

Trigger #4 for Mom Rage: Feelings of isolation

Motherhood, especially in the early years, can sometimes feel isolating. You’re home with the kids while everyone else seems to be out living their lives. This isolation, coupled with the constant demands of caring for a child, can lead to feelings of resentment and anger, also known as mom rage.

Why does this happen? Humans are social creatures. We thrive on connection and community. When we feel isolated, it can lead to feelings of loneliness and depression, which can trigger anger.

So, what can you do about it? Here are a few strategies:

  1. Reach out to others: Whether it’s a phone call to a friend, a playdate with other moms, or a family gathering, make an effort to connect with others.
  2. Join a mom’s group: There are many local and online groups where moms support each other. These can be a great source of comfort and camaraderie.
  3. Take time for yourself: It’s important to have time for yourself, away from your kids. This could be a hobby, a class, or simply a walk in the park.
  4. Ask for help: If you’re feeling overwhelmed and isolated, don’t hesitate to ask for help. This could be from your partner, family, friends, or a professional.

Remember, it’s okay to need others. It’s okay to ask for help. And it’s okay to take time for yourself. You’re not alone in this journey of motherhood.

Trigger #5 for Mom Rage: Self-care neglect

As mothers, we often put the needs of our children and family before our own. While this is a testament to the love and dedication we have for our family, neglecting our own needs can lead to burnout, resentment, and mom rage.

Why does this happen? Self-care is not just about pampering yourself; it’s about taking care of your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. When we neglect self-care, we’re essentially running on empty, and this can lead to feelings of exhaustion, frustration, and anger.

So, what can you do about it? Here are a few strategies:

  1. Schedule time for self-care: Make self-care a priority. Schedule it in your calendar just like any other important appointment.
  2. Do something you enjoy: Whether it’s reading a book, going for a run, or simply enjoying a cup of coffee in peace, do something that brings you joy and relaxation.
  3. Take care of your health: Eat a balanced diet, exercise regularly, get enough sleep, and make time for regular check-ups.
  4. Practice mindfulness and relaxation techniques: This could be meditation, yoga, deep breathing exercises, or any other technique that helps you relax and reduce stress.
  5. Connect with others: Spend time with friends, join a hobby club, or participate in community activities. Social connections can greatly enhance our well-being.

Remember, taking care of yourself is not selfish; it’s necessary. You can’t pour from an empty cup. By taking care of yourself, you’re not just doing a favor for yourself, but also for your family.

Seeking professional help and support

There’s no shame in asking for help. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, if your anger is affecting your quality of life or your relationship with your children, it may be time to seek professional help. Therapists, counselors, and life coaches are trained to help you navigate these feelings and provide you with tools and strategies to manage them.

Why is this important? Because you don’t have to do this alone. Professional help can provide a safe space for you to express your feelings without judgment. It can provide you with new perspectives and strategies that you might not have considered. And most importantly, it can provide you with the support and understanding that you need.

So, what can you do about it? Here are a few strategies:

  1. Reach out to a professional: This could be a therapist, a counselor, or a life coach. They can provide you with valuable tools and resources to manage mom rage.
  2. Join a support group: There are many local and online support groups for moms where you can share your experiences and learn from others who are going through the same thing.
  3. Don’t be afraid to ask for help: Remember, asking for help is not a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of strength.

And speaking of professional help, as a mom life coach myself, I’m here to support you on this journey. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, if you’re struggling with mom rage, I can provide you with the tools, strategies, and support to help you navigate this challenging but rewarding journey of motherhood.

Remember, you’re not alone. Reach out, ask for help, and take the first step towards a happier, healthier you.

Conclusion: Embracing a healthier approach to motherhood

Motherhood is a journey, filled with beautiful moments, challenging times, and everything in between. It’s perfectly normal to feel overwhelmed, frustrated, and yes, even angry at times. But remember, experiencing ‘mom rage’ doesn’t make you a bad mother. It makes you human.

Here are the key takeaways I hope you walk away with:

  1. You’re not alone: Many mothers experience ‘mom rage’. It’s more common than you think.
  2. Recognize the triggers: Lack of sleep, feeling overwhelmed with responsibilities, unrealistic expectations, feelings of isolation, and self-care neglect can all trigger mom rage.
  3. Seek help when needed: Don’t hesitate to seek professional help if mom rage is affecting your quality of life. Therapists, counselors, and life coaches are there to help.
  4. Self-care is essential: Taking care of yourself is not selfish; it’s necessary. You can’t pour from an empty cup.
  5. Embrace imperfection: The goal is not to be a perfect mom, but a happy one. And a happy mom makes for a happy family.

Remember, it’s okay to have bad days. It’s okay to feel angry. And it’s okay to ask for help. By recognizing the triggers and learning how to manage them, you can embrace a healthier approach to motherhood. You’re doing an amazing job, and don’t let anyone, including yourself, tell you otherwise.

With love and imperfection,


“Parenting-Related Cognitive Processes Maintaining Maternal Depression” in the Journal of Child and Family Studies

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